NOTE: This post contains updates running from Jan 2 — 9.
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“SO, WHAT NOW, DICKWAD?!”
Well, first things first, as I’ve spent too many minutes putting together the above collage. It’s Saturday, January 2nd, 10:05 am. No blogging, no scribbling, no drooling (well), not until I finish and turn in Exit Vector, Final Episode: et in terra pax. Then I’ll loop back and share my plans for global domination, same post. Fair enough?
Happy New Year, Friends and Doomtroopers. Strength and Honor, and “From these ashes,” and all that. To be continued.
UPDATE, SUNDAY, JAN 3: Jesus, I can’t help it! Must kvetch. Four pages rough, one page acceptable. Writing this installment is like pulling my veins out (slowly) with a pair of pliers…
Also, I can’t help bitching: Doctor Who, “The End of Time” fucking sucked. Harsh. I don’t care. It was maudlin, self-indulgent, overblown, weepy, mawkish… and so on. Exactly what I feared and expected…
To be continued…
UPDATE, MONDAY, JAN 4: 878 words, still on page 4, many notes, wordplay w/ the word/name “Warren,” steering away from a throwaway joke on the Church of Scientology, an hour spent on hold so the cable/phone/internet does not get shut off, running out to fix a slashed tire… and then distracted by THIS nonsense, the first look at the SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO LIVE ACTION MOVIE, oh my god…
…which really annoys me, because I haven’t even found (let alone posted) a review of the damn anime that came out last month…
To be continued…
UPDATE, TUESDAY, JANUARY 5: Oh god, let it be today! Let me finish it today! Moon, Muse, and Mori… SEND ME THE STRENGTH. I can’t live like this… I can not… live… like this. When I finish it, I’m going to party like THESE guys…
To be continued…
SAME DAY, 1:45 pm: My methodology = madness, apparently. Approve one page, scrap another, swinging back and forth at the 1k word mark, wanting, at least on some unconscious, self-destructive level, to complicate already complex matters. I am in Hell. I don’t want to be in Hell. I don’t know what my fucking problem is. Characters all dead, all strangers. Unreal.
Must eat. To be continued…
2:49: Didn’t stop. Kept writing. Minor, MINOR breakthrough. Starving. NOW I will eat. And man, I’ve noted this before, said it to friends and loved ones, but don’t think I’ve ever written it down, even though it’s something I’ve known and experienced for decades, and it’s this: You want a time machine? Sit down and work hard at writing. The time, it flies. At least it does for numb-fucking-skulls like me. Man, this is the weirdest post, four days long, now… and no one will ever see it…
Food. To be continued…
UPDATE, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6, 2:58 am: And I thought things were going SO well! Ha! Another page down the tubes. Boom, gone. Hours of careful, pleasing writing, so pretty, so nice, so… freakin’ useless! Nonsensical! Illogical! Argh.
Have I really lost the thread here?
Dunno. Will go beat up the cat, see if that helps. More later.
3:49 am: Beat up the cat, mood much improved! Figured out a way (ah ha!) not only how to salvage the nearly jettisoned chunk but how to make it work EVEN BETTER. Talk about over-thinking. Real Nigel from Spinal Tap moment: “Well, don’t fold it!” However… coffee and cigs and Red Bull notwithstanding… I might be awake… but I be fried…
UPDATE, THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 10:48 am: Gahhhhhhh….
At day job. Which I’d rather not discuss. Not because it’s so horrible, but it’s a privacy issue, somebody else’s business. Know what I’m saying? Anyway, I have a bit of downtime which might not last…
Where was I? Worked on that “THAT WHICH MUST BE FINISHED ELSE I PERISH FROM THIS EARTHLY REALM” all day yesterday and into the night and have embarrassingly little to show for it—some clean-up and tightening and an alternate (and accelerated) outline for the journey’s end… the journey of the damned, man.
A quick reflection on the paralysis that grips me: I am very unhappy. The project I struggle to complete is a big part of the unhappiness. Casual observers—and one or two connected players—shake their heads and tell me, “Just finish it, dickwad. Just get rid of it.” But I cannot write, “And then they all died, the end.” Just can’t do it. Because even though the whole project has gone total clusterfuck… I want the last installment to be something. Decent. Not a masterpiece, certainly, nothing so wonderful that it’s going to redeem the clusterfuck… but absolutely not the utter indifferent whackjob toss-off of a bitter jackass, either…
Whoops. My time here is at an end! Just like one of the Nox Golgoth possessed creeps. Will be back later with LINKS I HAVE ENJOYED TODAY. Why the hell not. To be continued…
UPDATE, FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 11:06 am: At day-job gig and oh man it is going to be a long fucking day, too busy even to list some goddamn links… as there have been some really great posts in the last 24 hours… Will try later if the opp arises…
SATURDAY, JANUARY 9, 1:56 pm: It’s time. HURRY UP PLEASE, IT’S TIME. Bang, whimper, both, neither?
See you on the other side.
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2 Comments
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Hmm. Finntroll. I’m afraid my attention wandered, but I had to watch- my son has discovered this group. I hope the writing is going better, less tortuous. Not knowing the parameters, is a deadline necessary? Can you wait for the muse?
Why, hi, Annie! Thanks for stopping by!
Yes, a deadline is not only necessary, it is a very real one with professional responsibilities and consequences, and sadly, it is a deadline that has been blown sky-high. Perhaps in the last six months you’ve noticed something called EXIT VECTOR popping up with alarming frequency on my site? EV is a weekly online serial novel, and as of tomorrow, the final installment will be THREE WEEKS LATE. My publisher has been very patient, but this has become a really painful situation for all concerned…
Hope you are well, and I hope the Finntroll doesn’t become unendurable…