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And Eddie says: “………”
(Well, Eddie doesn’t talk. Not because he’s made out of plastic, the character never talks. He comes on stage, the guitarists [Dave, Adrian, and Yanick] faux beat him with their axes, and Eddie retreats. That’s if he’s walking. The really big Eddie puppets just sort of erupt out of—or above—the stage and nod and sneer and grimace at the audience, and…)
Anyway. I’ve been doing this for a year. I’m tempted to say, “And I STILL don’t know what the fuck I’m doing!” and work that schtick for all it’s worth, you know, for laughs, but I won’t, because it’s not exactly true. I do have an idea of what I’m doing, and I’m actually starting to enjoy it, to not worry so much, to be a whole lot less uptight. One year ago, I absolutely did not know what I was doing. Hey, look at me now: links that work! Ha. But you know what I’m saying.
I just wish that I had more to report on the Draxian Fiction Front, because that’s like, the point.
I write stories and novels, and I stamp them with the name Drax. An aside: the pseudonym is a venerable literary tradition. Twain, Mishima, Orwell… all phony, yo. That’s just off the top of my head. (OK, everybody knows that about Twain, but still.) If I reached for one of my anthologies (or clicked wiki, sigh), I could give you a dozen more, and I’m pretty sure even a fairly well-schooled reader would say, “Really? He/she made up that name? Huh.” But whatever. Got distracted. Back to the point: This blog was built as on online presence for the Fiction of Simon Drax. And the only fiction I’ve got going at the moment, as in, “going-going,” is goddamn DOOMTROOPERS…
…and no one’s fucking reading it, man!
I slaved over that novel. Ugh! Slaved over it, suffered with paralyzing self-consciousness over its content for freakin’ years… Ugh! Ugh! Aiy!!! When all the publishers went super-manga-crazy a few years ago, I thought, well, maybe… But it seems that big/little bump has come and gone. Oh well. It’s one thing to give it away for free (maybe I should have inserted the word BEER after FREE), but to throw it out there for free and have nobody, literally, NO-BODY read it, it’s…
Oh, hell. It’s okay. Hey, I guess it just… sucks. The story, the writing, everything. DOOMTROOPERS. I guess it sucks. I don’t know.
I guess it’s something I have to just… let go. Like setting it ablaze, man, like letting the individual sheets of the manuscript drift one by one down the stream, trickling far away, you know, goodbye. Just let it go.
Don’t think I won’t promote each chapter as it pubs on Sunday, though. It’s going to get louder and bigger. LOUD.
Anyway, I just wish I had more to report on “other fronts.” I do. I can’t talk about them. Because nothing’s concrete. That is, I have not yet decided what I’m going to do. Running DOOMTROOPERS online was intended as a buffer while I regrouped, assembled the battleplan; it was intended to bolster my spirits, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (I will never ever tire of writing “ha ha,” never.)
Because once I commit to whatever it is I’m going do, trust me, I will do it. There are multiple projects I would like to work on, but I have to be sure, I have to ask myself, “Is such and such feasible? Is project x really that good an idea?” And so on. I’m sure you writerly types can relate. It is a big goddamn commitment. And any big goddamn commitment can turn on a dime, man, because I’m shopping shit (DESCENT, EXIT VECTOR), all the time. The best laid plans…
Oh, man, this became something of a babble, something of a rant. Time to wrap it up. Tell you what: the master plan shall be revealed, soon. It’s already goddamn March. The future’s out there, yeah? And my past is currently sitting ignored at DOOMTROOPERS. And that is going to have to be cool, it’s going to have to be okay.
Happy Birthday, Ichiban Weapon Ready. Happy birthday, simon fucking drax dot com. Oh yeah! Who wants a cigarette?!
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7 Comments
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Make mine clove.
Happy Birthday, Draxian blog. Keep on keepin’ on with Doomtroopers. You’re itching for instant gratification with it being online….just keep promoting and they will come. Twitter it. Do link exchanges with others. It WILL happen. Stay strong.
Happy Blogaversary my dear Brother Drax. I would add George Eliot, George Sand, and James Triptree to your list.
I agree with Lady Darkbunny, don’t give up on Doomtroopers–give it time and try different channels. Continue to build a community and they will respond in kind.
Well, Happy Birthday, Ichiban Weapon Ready! Weighing in from Absentia, the Comedian is warming up his flamethrower to light the single, elegant candle on your M&M-encrusted cake, my good friend. Feels like more AND less than a year, doesn’t it? It is ever thus. Well, I may be a sporadic IWR reader, but I had the honor of savoring DOOMTROOPERS as it emerged on the laptop screen, and can only say: pearls before swine. Swine. SWINE! Rock on with whatever it is, and your hardy band of fans will follow you in whatever direction you choose to lead us. That’s a promise. Up the Irons.
Well happy blogbirthday to you, good sir! I’ve got the inkling-est kernel of an idea…can you send me an email to mangoweb AT aol DOT com to discuss?
Thank you all for the Blog Birthday Wishes!
Lady Darkbunny, you are wise! Sister Brigindo, I hope you are right, and George Elliot almost made the cut, but I didn’t know off the top of my head if “George” was her idea or her parents! Mighty Matthew, you are The Word Man! And mlle Ghoul, YOU have GOOD IDEAS! Thank you, all.
A brief thought: I am well aware of the dangers of instant gratification, and I very consciously attempt to be en guarde against it. Fame and praise and wealth would be accepted without hesitation, of course, but those “goals” aren’t why I’m posting a novel for free online. It was written, as Martin Amis said of the reason he writes, “To give pleasure.” But if no one reads it, no pleasure is given. I firmly believe there’s one or two souls out there with their heads echoing with explosions, with memories of comics and anime and Moorcock. It’s just inordinately frustrating that they are not finding it.
That is all. Forgive me my rant! And thanks for the faith!
draxolla
They may not be finding it because the shiny bauble trail in this digital forest has not been laid. Go forth and attract the magpies!
I try, I am trying, Wise One…